From
Jeanie to Adam continued
Seaview, 11th October 1847
My Dearest Adam,
I have been searching up and down stairs for a sheet of paper
for your letter but I cannot fall in with any except this little
piece and it is not at all fit to be seen in London. I hope
you will excuse it however as it is very late and I cannot get
a new supply.
I am exceedingly glad that I am to have the privilege of another
gem from Annie. They are endeed valuable. I am very glad that
it is too of larger dimensions.
You know Adam I never like short letters although nowadays
I am getting somewhat accustomed to them. Had you been in Mr
Guthrie’s shop in place of Mr Nisbet’s I never would have submitted
to so many notes. I think your weekly epistles in former days
contained as much as four of the present weekly ones. However,
days are altered and I must be silent.
I spoke to Mr Guthrie yesterday in church. He says he did not
feel very stout but he thought himself much stouter than he
was a few years ago.
The races are over for another year and I am sure it would
be a great blessing if they never returned. All agree in the
opinion that there never was more wickedness manifest than this
season. The streets have been thronged with drunk people ever
since Friday. One poor woman was so intoxicated that she tumbled
into the water at the depot and met a watery grave. How faithful
the passage which saith “The wicked doth not live half their
days”.
Father has just been telling us of a very amusing conversation
he had tonight with an English traveller regarding your humble
servant. He had been asking if I had changed my name yet.
Mr Stevenson is away at Wigtownshire for a few days. He is
departed to lecture on the education question. I met him on
the street the day before he left. He told me he would be absent
nine days and then with a knowing look said, “I hope I will
be in time”.
Mr Stevenson was telling me he had purchased a book to present
to me on the occasion. It is entitled “Personal declension and
revival of religion in the soul” by the Rev. Octavius Winslow.
It is a delightful treatise. I have the loan of it from Miss
McMaitland at present. I think she must have told him that I
was fond of it.
I hope Mrs Rankin’s mother is keeping better. Please give them
my kind regards not forgetting Annie.
I must close as this bit paper is full. I will try to get a
larger piece for you next time. Your own affectionate Jeanie
Seaview, 20th Jan. 1848
My Dearest Adam,
I was very sorry to hear that you had to write me at so late
an hour when you had more need to have been sound asleep after
the toils of the day. I felt all the more sorry on this account
that during all the by gone week my conscience had been accusing
me of selfishness in making you write me every week at present
when you are so exceedingly busy, seeing you must be more fit
for your bed than commencing again to write, when you get home.
Last week I resolved to tell you that I would deny myself for
one week at least, but when I sat down to write, I could not
manage. Courage self-prevailed. I don’t like you to write me
so late Dear Adam for I am sure you stand in much need of repose.
And I must confess I make no small sacrifice when I resolve
to want your much prised note for next week, provided life continues
so busy.
Before I write more I must tell you (and I make the communication
with much joy and I trust with much gratitude also) that I still
continue to enjoy good health as good as last week. Truly the
Lord is leading us round about with blessings and oh how unworthy
we are of all his gifts, you of the very least of them(?). Countless
mercies have been ours especially since 1845 well we may say.
They have been new unto us every morning. God has again restored
me into health and strength while many thousands have been removed.
We have had small trials in the enterval from the date before
alluded to and trials which to me were felt even to be sore
to bear, such as your leaving Ayr and then one still more weighty,
your leaving Edinburgh, my illness etc etc. But all these things
in place of being against us turned out to be merely blessings
in disguise. What a debt of love and gratitude is ours. Oh for
grace(?) and strength to devote ourselves anew and more earnestly
(as you express in your note) to the service of Jesus.
In reading over the tract which you kindly sent to William
this morning I felt very much overpowered by Mr J.[‘s] narration
to his wife “Mary”, of the Lord’s goodness to them especially
where he says “page 4” “Dear Mary, goodness and mercy are following
us. The Lord is our Shepherd and I feel tonight as if after
this I could be careful for nothing. Oh, but he is a gracious
God”. The tear was in his eyes - so it was in mine. Dear Adam
I was reading it aloud to mother but I had to stop, it came
so much home to me. I was quite overcome. It portrayed so vividly
our past experience and it brought to my mind forcibly many
sweet anticipations of the future. When like Mr J. and his Mary
we may through God’s grace be enabled with our flaming hearts
to recount the kind dealings of our heavenly Father to us his
unworthy children. May we with their spirit (for their hearts
were brimful and running over) sing Ten thousand thousand precious
gifts. My daily thanks employ etc etc.
Chapter II: 1848 – Jeanie leaves Ayr
Jeanie’s letters stop here. Adam goes to Ayr to marry Jeanie
and bring her back to London. The story continues with his diary
and some pages torn out of what must have been Jeanie’s diary.
Adam’s diary
7th February Left London on a visit to Scotland. My first
from London. Arrived in Ayr next day.
17th February My marriage day.1
A day long looked for and oh how anxiously. Twas but a day however
past away as quickly as any. Same day left Ayr with Jeanie on
my return to London. Slept in Carlisle same evening, Liverpool
next evening and got to London on Saturday Eve. Feb 19.
Jeanie’s diary
17th February 1848 My marriage day. United to A. Reid, London.
A day long and much look forward too. How beautiful the sun
shined during the ceremony. Felt as if it was a token for good.
Prayed earnestly that the sun of righteousness might arise and
shine upon us. Oh that he would always shine then we would be
happy indeed.
Immediately after the ceremony left the home of my childhood
and youth, perhaps forever. Lord now knowest, if I am never
again to see those dear ones. My much loved parents and three
dear brothers. Thy will be done.
Felt much strengthened at parting, especially by dear Mrs Stevenson’s
farewell text “My presence shall go with you, and I will give
you rest”. Felt convinced the Lord had and still would guide
me and my dear husband. At two o’clock took the train at Monkton
for Glasgow where we parted with my dear brothers William and
John. Andrew accompanied us to Glasgow. Parted from dear Andrew
with a heavy heart at the station of the Caledonian Railway.
Reached Carlisle 11 o’clock same evening. Felt hot a little
when crossing the border. Soon recovered myself again, on recalling
to mind the sweet promise of the morning. My presence etc etc,
Yes Lord I believe, help thou my unbelief. I know thou wilt
go with me, not only over the border of my dear native country
but over the border of time. Thou wilt launch me safely into
eternity. The swellings of Jordan shall not overwhelm me, nor
the shadow of death discomfort me.
Adam’s diary
18th Left Carlisle for Liverpool where we were to visit Mr
and Mrs Martin.2 Found them
waiting to welcome us at the station. Found them all well.
19th Bid adieu to our dear brother and sister, Mr and Mrs Martin,
and started for London. Arrived at Barnsbury Station 6 o’clock
evening in safety, stronger than I anticipated having been complaining
with influenza for the last two months. Now Lord thou hast brought
me into the promised land “what shall I render under the for
all my benefits”, enable me to show forth thy praise. May my
chief aim be to live for thy glory. May I do all in my power
for the advancement of thy kingdom. Oh Lord strengthen me for
I am weak.
20th First Sabbath after my marriage. A dull and gloomy day
in every way. Certainly not as it ought to be. Jeanie sickly.
Jeanie’s diary
What gave her reason to doubt? Was it because she was ill and
far away from home?
20th Oh strengthen me and enable me by thy peace, faithfully
to perform the vows which I have taken upon me, to be an affectionate
and loving wife to my husband Adam. May I be a helpmeet (?)
for him in every sense of the word. May I at all time be enabled
to look upon our connection in the light of eternity. What if
I should prove a hindrance to my dear husband in his journey
heavenward? What if I should by the coldness of my love to Jesus
and my frequent inconsistencies, cause him to think lightly
of my profession? Oh for grace to walk wisely. If I am not deceiving
myself my most earnest desire and prayer is that God may be
glorified in the new tie and that we may live together as heirs
and joint heirs of Christ Jesus. What an honour for two poor
sinful worms.
28th Have spent some pleasant and happy hours in spiritual
conversation with dear Anne. What a blessing to live with such
a humble follower of the Lamb. How does she exemplify in her
walk and conversation that “for her to live is Christ and to
die is gain”.
9th March I have to confess before thee this day Oh Lord that
I have rebelled against thy dealings with me. Thou hast (through
the creator) been teaching me that this is not my rest, and
my soul has arisen in rebellion. Oh speak peace to this poor
troubled soul. O enable me to believe that thou art still watching
over me, and that this is all permitted in love. Lord bring
light out of darkness “Art thou not the same yesterday, today
and forever?”
13th Oh what coldness and deadness do I experience this evening?
All is darkness within, nothing but doubts, and fears. Why is
this oh my Father? Why this mistrust of they dealings with me.
Hast thou not done all thou has promised in days bygone, yea
and more than thou didst promise. Oh encrease my faith, help
my unbelief enable me to cast all my cares down at the foot
of the cross, and to leave them there. How often do I carry
them to the feet of the cross and just bring them away with
me again? Oh that I could just leave myself in thy hands, trusting
thee in the dark and cloudy day, as well as in the sunshine
of prosperity. Has not my prayer been to thee my father “Here
am I, do with me what seemeth to thee good”. Now Lord when thou
has slightly laid thy chastising hand upon me (and that in love)
this wicked heart has risen in rebellion. Oh where is my faith,
my trusting in thee, it is all gone like the morning cloud and
early dew.
15th I thank thee oh my Father that this anger is turned away
and that thou has again revealed thyself to me. Oh what wonderful
condescension. The Lord of Glory giving ear to the prayer of
a poor woman. Oh that I may be enabled from henceforth to follow
hard after thee.
16th I have been receiving line upon line and precept upon
precept. Thou hast been teaching me my heavenly Father, by thy
afflicting providence, that this is not our resting place. That
we are but pilgrims and sojourners here. How short a time is
it since my dear cousin was arrayed in her bridal garb. How
changed the scene now she walks forth in the sable robes of
widowhood. The husband of her youth has been called to give
in his account, gone and left her alone, in this vale of tears.
Oh may she not weep as those who have no hope. O Lord be thou
her husband and give her grace to set her heart on thee only.
Oh that I may be enabled to give ear unto this warning voice.
May I set my heart and affections upon things above and not
upon things on earth. Lord enable me to give thee at all times
the first place in my heart. I confess with sorrow that I am
guilty of giving to the creature that place in my affections
which should be thine. I ask not that my tenderness and affection
for my dear husband should be lessened but that my love for
thee should be encreased.
22nd April Five weeks have fled since I penned the above, during
which time I have been drinking deeply of the cup of affliction,
but a loving Father presented the cup and the engredients lost
their bitterness. I have been enabled to say with David, “it
has been good for me that I have been afflicted.” I have been
awakened from my spiritual slumber and put in remembrance that
this is not my rest, that I am but a pilgrim and sojourner here,
being a traveller for another and a better country. That I must
not stay nor linger by the way. Onward, onward, must be my motto.
Oh that I could press forward like Paul. This I cannot of myself
but leaning upon that precious premise “My grace is sufficient
for the, my strength shall be made perfect in thy weakness”.
I will go forward boldly. Lord help.
26th Gaining bodily strength rapidly. Oh what shall I render
to the Lord for all his gifts to me, who hath brought me back
from the very gates of death and restored me and my beloved
Husband. May this affliction and severe trial be blessed permanently
unto both of us.
May. Removed to London Street.3
Have felt a good deal of distraction of mind regarding this
premeditated change, being still weak in body, and the thought
of again being cast among strangers has disturbed me much. But
why should it? It is the Lord, the voice is clear and distinct
“Arise go hence” and have not I promised to go with you, and
to prepare a place for you. Oh ye of little faith wherefore
didst thou doubt. Well may the question be put. Oh how faithless
I am. He who hath led us all our life long is still our guide
and director. He has led us unto a quiet and pleasant habitation.
Oh that our sojourn here may resound to the glory of God. May
we be enabled to make known the name of Jesus. By our walk and
conversation before this people; may we show that we love, and
are blessed by Jesus. Above all may we have grace given us to
reverence and keep holy the Sabbath day amid so much awful and
general desecration. May I especially be particularly on my
guard (now that I have the charge of a house) not to violate
the sacredness of this holy day by causing unnecessary work
to be done.
7th June 1848 Let me with gladsome mind Praise the Lord, for
he is kind. For his mercies still endure.
Ever faithful, ever sure.
Well may I sing of the Lord’s goodness to me in this strange
land. My lot has been cast amongst a kind and affectionate people.
A people who careth for me as doth mine own people. Here again
my fears have proved groundless. Oh for the faith of Abraham.
9th My health is improving daily. I feel much stronger in body,
but alas no stronger in soul. I have been in a cold dead state
all the week, prayer much restrained, the Bible seldom read,
few thoughts of God or eternity and no heart sorrow for sin.
Oh, what a register, what a portrait of a corrupt heart. How
black and dark must it appear to the eyes of the spotless Jehovah.
Wash me, oh my Savour, wash me in thy precious blood and I shall
yet be clean. Oh that I could love thee more, and seek more
earnestly thy face.
16th Received a letter from my dear Father, and had the joy
of hearing they were all well. Dear Mother is keeping strong.
This is another and inestimable blessing.
14th July Received a letter from dear Mrs Maitland. How cheering
to hear from distant friends, especially from such as dear M.
I feel it to be a refreshing season. There is nothing light,
no idle communication, all is told, every word written as it
were for God’s glory. May I follow her example in this, counting
all correspondence as lost and profitless which has not the
glory of God and the good of souls in view. Alas how little
do I act upon the injunction that whither I eat or drink or
whatsoever I do, to do all to the glory of God. How much is
thought, how much is done, while God is not in all my mind?
May I be cleansed from my transgression and washed from my iniquities.
8th August My dear Mrs Highet has been in a bad state of health
for some time and I was not made aware of it till lately. Oh,
how fondly did I hope when last we parted that she would long
be spared unto us, she was then so well, seemingly quite restored
to health and strength. O Lord, “Thy ways are not as our ways,
nor our thoughts as thy thoughts”. May I not be too desponding.
He who can do all things may see fit yet to raise her up, but
if not, Oh for grace to say “Thy will be done”.
May I bear the rod and him that has appointed it and may her
affliction rebound to God’s glory and far. The good of my soul,
and not of mine only but of all who know her especially those
of her own family.
May the Lord sanctify this bereavement to her soul. May she
now see the vanity of all earthly prepossessions on which alas
heretofore she has too highly valued. I rejoice that dear Maggie
has long counted earthly riches at their true value, and counts
nothing as gain but the riches which is to be found in Christ
Jesus.
30th August Have been a good deal indisposed this month and
have met with disappointment but feel very grateful to God that
he has enabled me to see his hand in them and that I have been
enabled to submit without murmuring. I felt my need of the rod
to stir me from my cold Laodicean state 4
when surrounded with every comfort my heart could desire. One
would think my heart would overflow with love and gratitude,
like him(?) of old. Words would fail to portray the feelings
of my ravished heart, but alas it is far otherwise when mercies
abound, then am I at ease in Zion. Adversity and affliction
is my safest path. May this state of things not always remain,
but may I work with God in the sunshine.
16th September Mrs Highet is very ill. A letter from Miss Hunter
informs me there is little hope of her recovery. How deeply
this has grieved me. Shall I never see my beloved Maggie again.
Must the grave hide from my view my dear companion, her who
was to me as any sister. Oh I cannot think of it. How my heart
rebels. Oh Lord make me submissive to thy will, bow(?) this
stubborn heart, enable me to say “Thy will be done”.
How grieved poor Maggie must have been to part with her two
dear brothers,5 who are on
their way to another land. They will no more meet on earth.
What a sore trial to dear Mrs Pettigrew to loose two sons in
one day and the prospect of soon being called upon to part with
her dear and only daughter.
Jeanie’s diary stops here.
Adam’s diary (8 months later)
25th June 1849 Jeanie went to spend a few weeks in Scotland,
previous to my going also on a visit. Consequently I was left
alone again for a short time in the great city.
11th July Went myself to Ayrshire to spend two or three weeks,
which I did very pleasantly, very much to my enjoyment and very
beneficial to my health.
24th Matthew Allan got married. Jeanie and I were present at
the home coming on the 27th although our being there was not
very convenient for us, we having resolved of necessity to be
in London on the following day.6
However we went and much enjoyed ourselves. We drove up in a
carriage with liveried servants because no other machine in
Ayr could be found to contain the party. This however though
rather aristocratic for us tended much to our amusement.
28th Left Ayr for London with the 8 o’clock train. Felt rather
tired being up so late on the previous evening and this feeling
not at all lessened by the prospect of so long a seat in the
railway train. A dull and cheerless day it was, from Glasgow
on to Carlisle the rain fell incessantly. We arrived in London
on the morning of the following day at 5 o’clock.
1st May 1850 The Rev. James Stevenson and Mrs Stevenson came
to spend a few weeks in London. They resided next door to us.
Consequently we had much of their company and fellowship, which
we much enjoyed, especially their evening visits when they worshiped
with us at the family alter. They remained 3 weeks in London
then went to Paris where they spent another and on the first
of June again passed through London and spent a day with us
and in the evening left London for home.
2nd June. Aunt Margaret Allan came to remain with us for a
few months. 7
27th July. Jeanie, myself and Aunt went to Richmond where I
left them to enjoy its beauties and breathe its purer air and
lay up a stock of health to enable Jeanie at least to bear up
against the coming winter. The distance from London being so
short, the mode of transit being so quick and so cheap I was
enabled to visit them frequently after the hours of business
and return in time for next morning’s labour.
24th August Mr Murray got married.
27th August Jeanie and Aunt returned from Richmond. Jeanie
much strengthened by the short residence in the country.
20th September. Aunt Margaret left us for home where her presence
was acquired, owing to Mr and Mrs McAllan going to spend a short
time at Aberdeen.
Part 1
Part 2
Part 4
Part 5
1 They were married by the
Rev’d James Stevenson of the Free Church, Newton upon Ayr.
2 Adam’s sister, Helen, and
her husband John Martin.
3 Adam’s diary says: 5th May.
Removed from Barnsbury St to 41 London Street. London Street is
now called Maple Street.
4 Laodicean: indifferent in
religion, lukewarm - having the fault for which the Church of
Laodicea is reproached.
5 This might mean that her
brothers emigrated to America like so many others at that time.
6 Matthew Allan, Jeanie’s
cousin, married Barbara Gordon in Tarbolton.
7 Jeanie’s aunt.
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